Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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