Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
