Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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