I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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