i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
