Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
