just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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