her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
