Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
