don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
