So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
