due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
