smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
