that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
