It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
