id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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