She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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