Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
