i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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