I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
