Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
