You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
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I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
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My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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