Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
