i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
