i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Text me some of your sweat
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
