dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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