What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Randomize
