Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
