Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
