I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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