Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I think my vagina is haunted
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come you make the beer taste better
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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