What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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