ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
