This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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