Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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