so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
