Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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