so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
