This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
