mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
