holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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