P.S. I can't hear my feet
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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