I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
