I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
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Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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