soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
