i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
