just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
