So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
