jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
