Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
