Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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